Who, Do, What?!

Day 2 of 2012 I decided to spend with the Lord so I went to our frequent hangout spot, the river. But en route, God had me stop and pick up a loaf of bread and some grape juice as I felt like He wanted us to have communion. When I got to the river, I had communion with the Lord and just soaked in His presence. If we stop long enough in His presence, He will speak. And the beginning part of what He began to speak to me was this:

It's not about your "do", it's about your "who". Your "do" flows out of your "who". Let me continue to transform your "who" and your "do" will follow. 

While the above is not funny by any stretch, I find myself continually talking about God's sense of humor! In the days since January 2, literally EVERY DAY, the Lord has been reminding me of this who vs. do conundrum!! In the days following He has given me phrases such as "being vs. doing" and "person hood vs. performance" and then literally devotion after devotion have reiterated God's point. Some of those devos have included the following:

CEASE STRIVING and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.~Psalm 46:10 NASB

So much about God can never be known on the run. We can get so wrapped up in everyday life that we fail to be wrapped up in Him. The busier we are, the more stillness and rest we need....The Father taught me an important truth. He is more concerned with who I am than what I do.~Mary Southerland, GIG

So, needless to say, I think God is trying to get his point across in my life and in the lives of others! :)

The reality is that I am still learning this truth. In the Fall, the Lord took away my striving and performance tendencies when it came to grad school. But now, I am learning the lesson at work. When it came to school, I was able to say, "This is not eternal, it doesn't matter. People are eternal." But the difference with work is that for me and my job, IT IS ETERNAL! I deal daily with individuals who cannot physically function on their own, most of whom have a mental disability and who don't know Jesus. So I am constantly seeking the Lord as to what "cease striving" looks like in the job that He has given me. And I am thinking that maybe "who vs. do" goes back to where God had me at the start of the New Year, at the river (the place of sustenance and refreshing) taking communion (abiding in His arms and His presence).

Lord, in a world where "do" often trumps "who", I ask that you would continue to allow my heart and mind to make the shift that my "who" is really what matters. God, I ask that you would help me to be still and know that you really are God. I pray that you would continue to lead me and guide me into ALL truth!

The Power of Laying Down!

I like naps. I like sleep. In actuality, I just like to lay down. Period. And while it is very easy for me to lay my physical body down, it has been a horse of a different color to lay other things down. The Cheez-its. The chocolate chip cookies. My friendships and relationships. My desire to strive and be perfect. My EXPECTATIONS!

In reality, it all boils down to my EXPECTATIONS! In times past, I expected the Cheez-its and the cookies to fill the hunger that lingered in my soul. I expected my friendships and relationships to numb the fear of abandonment. And I expected my "perfect" performance, in all areas of my life, to finally get that seemingly un-obtainable goal of acceptance. And despite my expectations, I was ALWAYS let down! You see, I expected things and people to meet the needs in my life that only God can fill.

A few months ago, in some face time with the Lord, I heard Him call me "Gomer". I thought I knew who Gomer was but just to make sure, I looked her up in Scripture (yes, Gomer is a she!). And there she was, in the small book of Hosea. Hosea was a prophet that God called to marry. Not just to marry anyone but specifically, a prostitute (as a physical representation of God and the Israelites). And guess what the name of the prostitue was.....yep, Gomer! While, I wanted to be offended at the Lord for calling me Gomer, especially when my occupation has never been that of a prostitue, the Lord began to bring clarity. As I re-read the story of Hosea and Gomer, God brought to light that it wasn't so much the fact that Gomer was a prostitute but that she kept chasing after other lovers or other things that she thought and expected would bring her the satisfaction that she needed and desperately wanted. She was in pursuit of, chasing and serving idols. OUCH! (God, can I get my name changed back to Natalie?!)

Now, in 2012, we wouldn't say that we serve "idols" as that was so Old Testament! But let me give you this definition of idols that I read in a book called "The Peacemaker": An idol is anything apart from God that we depend on to be happy, fulfilled or secure; something other than God that we set our heart on, that motivates us, that masters and rules us or that we trust, fear or serve; something we love and pursue more than God.  Does this definition help? :) You see, I depended on and EXPECTED food, and people and striving to be happy, fulfilled and secure. I set my heart on my EXPECTATIONS of those things and I literally trusted, feared and served them!

There is a book that I have yet to read but the title is "When I Lay My Isaac Down" by Carol Kent. But I want to use her title to bring all of this together. For years, I tried to "lay down" the food, "lay down" my relationships, "lay down" my striving but to no avail. But through the graciousness and mercy of the Lord, He has revealed that the "thing(s)" that I needed to lay down, were my EXPECTATIONS! And friend, there is power in laying them down!

I no longer expect food or people to meet the needs in my life that only God can fill. I go to God and He affirms, comforts, loves and accepts me! Of course, I still have to eat and I still have relationships, but the main thing that has happened is the laying down of those expectations. I would love to say it is a one time deal and that once you lay the expectations down then you are set. But the reality is that every day, God shows me those EXPECTATIONS that I didn't even know were there! Like, on Friday, when I expected my day to go one way and it took a total detour. Or on Saturday and in the days prior as God had me dying to and laying down my birthday expectations.

The really cool thing is that once we lay down our expectations and look to the Lord alone for fulfillment, it gives Him the room to do exceedingly, abundantly more than we can think, ask or imagine (and I would add, expect!)! While it is a process, and a journey we will be on for the remainder of our days here on earth, there is power in laying down!