I like naps. I like sleep. In actuality, I just like to lay down. Period. And while it is very easy for me to lay my physical body down, it has been a horse of a different color to lay other things down. The Cheez-its. The chocolate chip cookies. My friendships and relationships. My desire to strive and be perfect. My EXPECTATIONS!
In reality, it all boils down to my EXPECTATIONS! In times past, I expected the Cheez-its and the cookies to fill the hunger that lingered in my soul. I expected my friendships and relationships to numb the fear of abandonment. And I expected my "perfect" performance, in all areas of my life, to finally get that seemingly un-obtainable goal of acceptance. And despite my expectations, I was ALWAYS let down! You see, I expected things and people to meet the needs in my life that only God can fill.
A few months ago, in some face time with the Lord, I heard Him call me "Gomer". I thought I knew who Gomer was but just to make sure, I looked her up in Scripture (yes, Gomer is a she!). And there she was, in the small book of Hosea. Hosea was a prophet that God called to marry. Not just to marry anyone but specifically, a prostitute (as a physical representation of God and the Israelites). And guess what the name of the prostitue was.....yep, Gomer! While, I wanted to be offended at the Lord for calling me Gomer, especially when my occupation has never been that of a prostitue, the Lord began to bring clarity. As I re-read the story of Hosea and Gomer, God brought to light that it wasn't so much the fact that Gomer was a prostitute but that she kept chasing after other lovers or other things that she thought and expected would bring her the satisfaction that she needed and desperately wanted. She was in pursuit of, chasing and serving idols. OUCH! (God, can I get my name changed back to Natalie?!)
Now, in 2012, we wouldn't say that we serve "idols" as that was so Old Testament! But let me give you this definition of idols that I read in a book called "The Peacemaker": An idol is anything apart from God that we depend on to be happy, fulfilled or secure; something other than God that we set our heart on, that motivates us, that masters and rules us or that we trust, fear or serve; something we love and pursue more than God. Does this definition help? :) You see, I depended on and EXPECTED food, and people and striving to be happy, fulfilled and secure. I set my heart on my EXPECTATIONS of those things and I literally trusted, feared and served them!
There is a book that I have yet to read but the title is "When I Lay My Isaac Down" by Carol Kent. But I want to use her title to bring all of this together. For years, I tried to "lay down" the food, "lay down" my relationships, "lay down" my striving but to no avail. But through the graciousness and mercy of the Lord, He has revealed that the "thing(s)" that I needed to lay down, were my EXPECTATIONS! And friend, there is power in laying them down!
I no longer expect food or people to meet the needs in my life that only God can fill. I go to God and He affirms, comforts, loves and accepts me! Of course, I still have to eat and I still have relationships, but the main thing that has happened is the laying down of those expectations. I would love to say it is a one time deal and that once you lay the expectations down then you are set. But the reality is that every day, God shows me those EXPECTATIONS that I didn't even know were there! Like, on Friday, when I expected my day to go one way and it took a total detour. Or on Saturday and in the days prior as God had me dying to and laying down my birthday expectations.
The really cool thing is that once we lay down our expectations and look to the Lord alone for fulfillment, it gives Him the room to do exceedingly, abundantly more than we can think, ask or imagine (and I would add, expect!)! While it is a process, and a journey we will be on for the remainder of our days here on earth, there is power in laying down!
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