As I was in the shower this morning, once again standing in ankle deep water because my landlady has still yet to fix my tub, I was putting my armor on for my day. I sure am glad it's spiritual armor and not physical armor cuz it sure would be rusty since the shower seems to be the place for my morning application of the armor of God. (If you have no idea what I am referring to, check out Ephesians 6:11-18).
Anyways, as I was putting my armor on the Lord began to speak to me about Job. (UGH!) Now, I don't know about you, but I always put Job on a pedestal of sorts. I mean, he had some horrendous things happen to him and his family. But the Lord wants me to see, as well as you, that we are no different than Job.
I know for me, my first hang-up with Job comes from Job 1:1-
This man was blameless and upright; he feared God and shunned evil.
Right there, I am prone to stop. Blameless and upright?! Really?! But the reality is that I am made blameless and righteous through the blood of Christ, whether I feel blameless and upright or not. I do fear God and I do avoid evil so that part was a little easier to swallow but that first part, sheesh!
As we read further in Job, we see that the angels, God and Satan had a meeting. In that meeting, Satan tells the Lord that he has been roaming he earth. Then the Lord has a seemingly wonderful idea:
Job 1:8 Then the Lord said to Satan, "Have you considered my servant job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil."
REALLY!? Does God really throw Job into the mouth of the devourer? Does he really recommend that his servant, who loves him, who is blameless and done nothing to deserve the test that will follow be thrown to the lion?
Next is Satan's response to the Lord's idea.
Job 1:9-11 "Does Job fear God for nothing?" Satan replied. "Have you not put a hedge around him and his household and everything he has? You have blessed the work of his hands, so that his flocks and herds are spread throughout the land. But stretch out your hand and strike everything he has, and he will surely curse you to your face."
Basically, Satan said, you keep your kid safe and blessed but if you take away his blessings, he will curse you and not serve you. BUT God knew how Job would respond. His omnipotence definitely served him well in this moment as he knew what Job would choose even before the test began! The Lord gave permission to Satan to take all of his possessions but to not lay a finger on him (until a later test)
In the next little bit, we see that Job proceeds to have a very bad day. Within 24 hours, he gets word that his animals (his wealth) have either been killed or stolen and then that all of his children have been killed as the house collapses on them. REALLY!? Talk about a terrible day that we can't even really wrap our heads around because it is so far fetched for the majority of us. But this is exactly where the Lord wanted to speak to me this morning.
Yesterday was a pretty rough day for me. In my last blog, I was extremely transparent as to where I have been the last few weeks in regards to what areas of life God is healing at the present. While Sunday was awesome and much needed, my body has still been recovering from that upheaval of pain. Additionally, I still have had the void where all of that pain was that is waiting to be filled by the Lord.
On Monday, I walked through some forgiveness with my mom but then began to realize that there is still much pain in thinking about her. As I went through my day, I began to recognize that Sunday was really just the beginning of this healing process. I shared this with 2 friends who both offered analogies that seemed to encapsulate the process for me. One said that the Band-aid's over the wounds have been removed and now the air is hitting them in order for them to be healed. And the other said the drain has been clogged and a big chunk came out but there is more that is to come before the water can flow freely (which is very applicable given my bathtub situation!!). Beautiful word pictures for me to see the process.
Yesterday, I woke up very blue. I brought that to my quiet time but knew that I needed to feel these emotions and not stuff them or pray them away. The Lord revealed that grieving needs to take place in my life. You may think, grieving? Who died? Well, no one per say. But sometimes, we need to grieve the loss of a relationship or in my case, grieve that fact that I did not have a nurturing mother. Yes, I have grace for my mother, knowing that she did the best she could given her own mothering she endured. But at the same time, if the emotions that I have toward her and the fact that I never got to have a relationship like that are not dealt with, they will continue to be a toxic force in our relationship and in my body.
So, with that in mind, I entered my day. I had several client meetings scheduled for the day and my first visit was with my client that has a terrible relationship with her mother. I didn't actually have to deal with the daughter yesterday but with the mother who was going to have her way no matter what. I just wanted to get in and out of there as quickly as possible.
After that semi-intense meeting, I went to see a friend who I hoped would be giving away Free Hugs before I had to travel to my next meeting. I got my hug and then started my hour drive to see my next client.
En route, my check engine light came on and my car began shutting down. I was able to safely pull over but I was very frustrated. You see, last month I had the same problem. I had gotten the sensor replaced but here I was again with a check engine light on and I was not happy about it. To resolve the problem, I had to turn my car off for about 5 minutes before re-starting. I did and thankfully it started so I could make it to my next client's house, which I made it with 1 minute to spare considering my delay. I managed to see my clients without any real drama and managed to make it to Auto Zone for them to do the diagnostic test. The issue was the same as before but the Auto Zone guy said the computer probably had not been erased after the sensor was replaced. He handed me the controller and said I could push Erase but he couldn't. Oh, how I wish I sometimes had an erase button for life! Well, I erased the error code and the engine light went off. Praise the Lord!
Then I went to my friends house but I was so physically and mentally drained I had to come home. I took a nap only to wake up and find ridiculous levels of pain at my head, neck and shoulders. I texted the troops for prayer and one of my friends recommended I take some medicine along with a hot shower to help my body relax from all that has happened lately. So, I obliged thinking it was a pretty great idea. I get out of the very nice hot shower and then used the potty (TMI, sorry!). Within seconds after flushing, water started flowing from the base of the toilet and quickly filled my bathroom. You would know I don't have a mop so I had to find towels and sop up all the water. I then called my landlady who was "at dinner" and told me she would call me back, which she never did. Needless to say, the relaxing shower was very quickly ruined by my geyser toilet.
Now, I don't tell you all of that for you to pity me or even to pity myself. But as the Lord reminded me this morning, He had a nice little chat with Satan and said, "Have you considered my servant Natalie? There is no one on earth like her; she is blameless and upright, a woman who fears God and shuns evil." Job's tests included losing his livestock, his children and even his health as he eventually had painful boils all over his body. Additionally, he had to endure some friends that blamed him for the issues he was dealing with and his wife that was super encouraging (I say that with much sarcasm as she encouraged Job to curse God and die!).
But I have to wonder if the hardest part for Job was the quietness of God. We go through 36 chapters before Job hears God speak. And once God speaks, it's a litany of rhetorical questions for Job basically in regards to God's sovereignty and character. Job definitely did not curse God but he did question his perception of the God that he had claimed to know. In Job 42:1-6 we read the following:
Then Job replied to the Lord: I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted. You asked 'Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?' Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know. You said, 'Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you and you shall answer me.' MY EARS HAD HEARD OF YOU BUT NOW MY EYES HAVE SEEN YOU. Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes.
There is much I could say about the above verses but the thing that stands out to me is the depth of relationship Job winds up having with the Lord. A greater level of knowledge of the Lord. Before he had heard about God and had head knowledge of the Lord. But to have eyes that have seen the Lord is that have a heart that really knows that Lord and has seen the hand of God walk through the fire with you.
And we see in Job 42:12 God eventually brought restoration to Job:
The Lord blessed the latter part of Job's life more than the first.
I don't know about you but this rough season is made a lot more hopeful by the knowledge that God told Satan, "Have you considered my servant Natalie? She's a great candidate for a test because the things that you mean to destroy her will only make her stronger and cause her to have a much deeper relationship with me."
God may insert your name in that question very soon, if it's not already in there. But be encouraged that the end result is a deeper relationship with the Lord. That's what I am clinging to and I hope you can too!
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