Humpty Dumpty and Me

Humpty Dumpty. Yes, we all know the rhyme from our youth but over the last few months it has been replaying in my mind and heart. For those of you that may need a refresher on the children's rhyme here you go:

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the kings horses
and all the kings men
Couldn't put Humpty together again

One day, in the shower (shock and awe!), I started singing this rhyme to a different beat and the Lord started to reveal to me that me and Humpty Dumpty aren't all that different. I went on to sing this:

Now I'm not Humpty but I feel his pain
Broken and hurting in the midst of my pain
All of my efforts
and all of my tries
Couldn't put me back together again

You see, I am a fixer by nature, as many of us are. I like to fix stuff that is broken. I also like to fix people that are broken. And by all means, I try to fix myself, when I am broken. But when I truly stop and think about the futility of trying to fix myself, when often times, my decisions or my pain is what has broken me in the first place, I realize how much my attempts are in vain.

Zechariah 4:6 says, Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit, says the Lord Almighty!

We can't fix ourselves! No matter how much we try, no matter how many self-help books we read! No matter how much counseling we receive! (Now, I'm not saying those are bad things but hear the bigger message please!) It is not by might or power. In other words, it's not by what you or I can do to fix ourselves or others. Notice, all of the kings horses and all of the kings men, couldn't put Humpty together again. And as God spoke to me, all of my efforts and all of my tries, couldn't put me back together again. So, what do we do?

I am a very visual person. So, I envision Humpty laying on the side of the wall, me right next to him, simply calling out to the Lord, saying "I've fallen and I can't get up!"

Psalm 51:17 says this, The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God you will not despise.  (NIV)

And I love how The Message says it, Heart-shattered lives ready for love don't for a moment escape God's notice.

Yesterday morning at church, God continued the roto-rootering in very similar fashion to the week before as I wept and wailed at the altar again (a very humbling experience). Last night I started singing this new song that God gave me, based on the above scripture.

Broken and Contrite
Here I am God
Here I am
Broken and contrite
Broken and contrite

You said you will not despise my sacrifice
You will not despise my love
Though I'm wounded God
You will heal my heart
You will bind up every wound
You will bind up every wound

This morning, I was singing it in the shower (more shock and awe!) and the Lord gave me this bridge to go with it:

A song of victory is rising up
For I know He will deliver me

The Humpty Dumpty nursery rhyme is kind of a bummer if you really stop to think about it. There is no sign of hope, no sign of redemption. But I am thankful that my story doesn't have to end like Humpty's! I serve a God who is gathering all of the broken pieces and is binding up all my wounds! The God of Compassion who is gently and tenderly healing my heart. So, I sing with confidence and boldness:

A song of victory is rising up
For I know He will deliver me!