Oh where, oh where has my big God gone?

I haven't really written much lately because I have been "trying to figure some things out!" Well, we all know how that goes! I get so consumed in fixing the "issue" that I lose sight of the bigger Issue. But before I go into that, let me sing my little diddy about how I have felt in this season, well really the last 2 weeks.

"Oh where, oh where has my big God gone? Oh where, oh where can He be?"

Since about January of this year, I have been in a different season, one that I have not been too particularly fond of. My "issue" for the past 3 months has been the "quietness" of God or the seeming "lack of His presence." I started out great in the season (don't we always!). God had kind of given me a little warning, indicating that on Discovery Birmingham, He would be guiding me by His voice only, which He very much did. Then He perpetually reminded me to "Walk by faith, not by sight!" Again, I was good with that reminder and even reminded myself frequently. But then the day came, about 2 weeks ago, when I realized I was frustrated. I wanted the Lord's presence more than anything. I was at the altar in church, crying out for just a second of His presence. I felt like the psalmist is Psalm 84:10 which said, "Better is one day in your courts than a thousand anywhere else." You and I both know that there is nothing like the presence of the Lord!

That same morning at the altar, the Lord spoke (again, He had been speaking but not as much as I like!). He said the words, "I am not giving you the silent treatment." At that, I broke. I was reminded of my earthly father who when he was upset or angry with me, he would give me the silent treatment and withhold his love from me. Despite all of the lies that God has had me deal with, there are still plenty that revolve around how I see Him in light of my earthly father. Additionally, there are many truths in Scripture that have not become revelation for me either.

You see, God says that, "he will never leave me nor forsake me". (Heb 13:5) But when I don't "FEEL" Him, I think He has left the building because of something I have done or because He is tired of dealing with me. Then I "FEEL" abandoned and rejected and then I am prone to turn to other people or things to find love and acceptance. In processing through all of this, I have come to a "conclusion about the Lord". I believe He has a cloaking device that He is able to utilize that makes it seem like He has left only to see how we will respond. Because the reality is that He can't leave me or forsake me. He is omnipotent and omnipresent. He is everywhere at all times so He is unable to leave me!

He is bringing revelation to all of the above, slowly but surely. I definitely don't have it all figured out BUT I am finding more grace in the waiting and more maturity in listening to the whispers of His voice. So, it's not so much an issue of a God who is seemingly MIA but rather a really intense and great game of hide and seek. He's "hiding" and I am seeking! The great news is that He promised that if I seek Him, I will find Him (Jeremiah 29:13)!

Pretty soon, I'll have a different diddy to sing and my guess is it will sound like this, "I've found a love greater than life itself!" :)