Power Source

I love when the Lord gives a natural experience to give a spiritual illustration! So, I will share with you!

My laptop is getting old in laptop years (yes, that's like dog years but worse!). Well, it's sad to say but I managed to kill my battery and so my laptop MUST REMAIN PLUGGED IN! A few months ago, I could unplug it for a few minutes and transfer it to another room and it would remain on but it's gotten to the point now, that if it comes UNPLUGGED, even if just for a second, it dies, which is what happened just before I started writing this post. Due to that fact, I am constantly checking my CONNECTION to make sure the cord is PLUGGED IN so my computer will work. In this, I have been reminded of John 15 in which Jesus shares the parable of the vine and branches. Here it is from the Amplified:

4 Dwell in Me, and I will dwell in you. [Live in Me, and I will live in you.] Just as no branch can bear fruit of itself without abiding in (being vitally united to) the vine, neither can you bear fruit unless you abide in Me.

⁵ I am the Vine; you are the branches. Whoever lives in Me and I in him bears much (abundant) fruit. However, apart from Me [cut off from vital union with Me] you can do nothing.

⁶ If a person does not dwell in Me, he is thrown out like a [broken-off] branch, and withers; such branches are gathered up and thrown into the fire, and they are burned.

⁷ If you live in Me [abide vitally united to Me] and My words remain in you and continue to live in your hearts, ask whatever you will, and it shall be done for you.

I don't know about you but sometimes fruit and tree illustrations are a little beyond my comprehension level since about all I do is see them from a far and I surely don't do any pruning. But because I am semi-technological, I get the idea of a power source being required and in my poor laptop's case, needing to remain vitally united the power cord. The Lord IS my power source but sometimes I come UNPLUGGED or disconnected and have to be PLUGGED back in and sometimes REBOOTED. Abiding is that place of staying PLUGGED IN. Apart from my power source, my laptop can do nothing. Apart from the Lord, I can't do anything either. 

So, let's stay PLUGGED in to THE Power Source. And if for some reason we get DISCONNECTED OR UNPLUGGED, let's plug back in quickly!

Carrying Grace

As I was coming home to rest in between doctor visits, I turned the radio up to listen. K-love, though, was full of static. I hit the button for my CD player only to find a CD I didn't want to listen to at that moment. So I reached for a small stash of CD's and hidden behind an African safari CD (don't ask) was a Hosanna First CD and it simply said "Prophetic Word 11/28/10". I knew this wasn't by chance and so I put it in the player. And here were the words that came through my speaker:

Don’t lose heart at this time says the Lord. Even though the struggles may seem to be difficult they won’t last forever. For this season that you’re going through, I want you to keep walking through. That season won’t last forever says the Lord. Be encouraged and know that I am God and that there is nothing impossible with me. There are times when you must walk down certain roads in order to get on certain highways. I am leading you and guiding you says the Lord. I have not forsaken you neither have I abandoned you and You’re not alone, I am with you. Draw close to me and know that this season of challenges will not last forever for I am bringing you out by the power of My Spirit. Those things that seem so difficult now, as you look up the mountain, you will rejoice as you stand on top of the mountain. For my refreshing is coming says the Lord, and I will minister to you. Draw near to me in this time and don’t get weary in well doing says the Lord. 

I remember this word being ever so needed in 2010 when I heard it the first time but it is just as relevant today! This past Sunday, Pastor spoke another prophetic word and the element that stuck out was that the Lord has not forsaken or abandoned me.

I hear ya Lord, loud and clear! :)

I stand in awe at the Lord's timing and his "carrying grace" (the term He gave me this morning). 

Turn, Turn, Turn

Well, well, well..yes, it has been awhile but here I am! I have told you guys before that this healing journey, while always well worth it, is quite possibly the hardest thing of my life. So, I am learning that there are seasons of debilitating pain, necessary silence, required rest, and then, refreshing recovery. 


With the Lord illuminating the seasons, He led me to re-read Ecclesiastes 3. I have read Ecclesiastes before but I'm gonna be honest, it's not my go-to book of the Bible, it's kind of in the same category as Job to me. It's quite depressing, actually. The author starts the book by talking about how "everything is meaningless." If that's not sobering, I don't know what else is. But in Ecclesiastes 3 we begin to read that there is a time for everything (that's the chapter heading!). You have probably heard the old song "Turn! Turn! Turn!" by The Byrds and they took the words pretty much verbatim from our passage here in Ecclesiastes. Here's how the NIV says it:


There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:  

    a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot, 
     a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
    a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
     a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
     a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
     a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.

As I was re-reading this the other day, the verse that says "a time to kill and a time to heal" stood out like me on a mission trip in Africa...or Mexico...or China. I don't know about you but in my mind, a time to kill and a time to heal don't seem like they go together. So, I have been pondering that verse for a few days now. And, while I don't have a definitive answer for us as to the full meaning, I do have some life examples of the last season I have been in as well as some Scripture to help us explore. 

In Galatians 5:24 we are told that "Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. 


In Galatians 2:20 we are reminded that "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me."


From these verses, we can identify that in our position as Christ lovers, death has already occurred. We HAVE BEEN crucified, which means it already happened, it's a done deal. What I fail to think about though, is that crucifixion is not only death but it is being KILLED. It is physically impossible to crucify (KILL) oneself, we can't do it. That's God's job and it happens at salvation. God kills our old sinful nature, he crucifies it. What we fail to understand is that in our condition here on Earth, we don't always see or recognize the death of our old nature. We still do a lot of the same things we did before we got saved. We often think the same, have the same attitudes, have the same wrong motives, etc. Oh, we may stop the external, visible things because we are now a Christian and Christian's aren't supposed to do that (as we are quickly told upon entering the church world). But Scripture says we HAVE BEEN crucified so why is our flesh still a problem if it's dead? Why does our flesh feel very much alive? Let's look at another Scripture in Colossians. 


In Colossians 3:5 we are told to "Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry."


Okay, so....if we have been crucified and our sinful nature is dead, why are we being told by the Apostle Paul to PUT TO DEATH our earthly nature? If something is dead, what is the need for putting it to death? At first, this whole thing can seem confusing and even contradicting as all of these statements were penned by the same guy. But here's a little illustration the Lord just gave me to help us understand. 


While, I don't make it a habit of seeing things like this...have you ever seen a worm get cut in half or a snake get it's head chopped off? Well, if you haven't, consider yourself blessed. If you have, you know that at the chopping off or KILLING (for our purposes), the snake is dead. (He HAVE BEEN killed...pardon my grammar). However, the snake continues to move and even looks alive still because it takes some time for the heart to quit pumping and the snake to realize it's dead. Gross, I know...sorry! But I hope this helps us get the point. 

The PUT TO DEATH part of Colossians is me with the help of the Lord recognizing that I am dead to my earthly, fleshly nature and me allowing the Lord to make that a reality in every area of my condition or life here on earth which feels like death because it is. A time to KILL is necessary for the Christian because unless something or someone is DEAD (and I will add, that they know it)  they can't be raised back to life, which is the ultimate HEALING. Only dead things can be resurrected! 


So, death is becoming a reality in my life. The Lord is showing me things in my life that have not recognized there death yet. Those things are being "put to death" and I know that the next season is further healing. While a time to kill doesn't at first seem to go with a time to heal, death precedes resurrection! I am dead and I am slowly beginning to realize it. I hope you do too! 

Extreme Makeover: Natalie Edition

It has been over a month since my last post which is far from normal for me. In the posts leading up to this post-al lapse, I had shared that I was in a place of deep healing and the truth of the matter is, I still am. I have been in a season of quiet and a season of much revelation and quite honestly, I haven't had much to say...well, I haven't had much that I wanted to share, let's put it that way. I have realized that I like to give you guys the posts after the trial or when the season is starting to look up. But this morning I was reading in Soul Repair (one of 4 books I am working through right now) about testimony and how honest and humble testimony about my struggles and God's grace minister more to others than the flowery "Life was bad. God is good. I have no struggles in my life" stories. So, here we go with the honest and humble testimony!

I have shared with you guys the dangerous prayer I prayed in which I asked the Lord to debunk every lie that I have ever believed about myself and about Him. And He has been and is being faithful to answer that prayer.

One of the biggest lies that the Lord has shown me that I believe about myself is that I am my performance. If I perform well, I am good. If I perform poorly, I am bad. My performance is my identity. As such, I, of course, have made it my purpose and goal in life, to only perform well. I perform for myself. I perform to prove my worth to myself, to you and to God. I perform for you to like me and think well of me and ultimately so that you will not reject me. And the hardest pill of all to swallow is that I perform for God. If I pray enough, read my Bible enough, serve enough, fast enough, love enough, deny myself enough, minister enough, and trust enough, then God will accept me.

Now, cognitively, I know that these are all lies. I get it. I see it. I could preach to you about the fact that we are under grace and not under law. I could tell you that God could care less about your performance but just wants you as a person. But the reality is that truth is still getting inside of me. It's still en route to my inner parts. And I believe it will get there!

With this lie being at the forefront of God's latest revelations (well, I guess a deeper revelation is a better way to describe it), I have come to realize that my whole life has been that of performance or seeking approval. I have also realized that I do most things out of this nagging sense of obligation, this sense that if I don't do it, who will? (NOTE: I am not saying service is bad. Please don't misinterpret me. I am saying that our motivations for serving need to be in the right place, not as a route to favor, approval or acceptance.) 

So, as you can imagine, this greater revelation of myself has rocked me to my core. The Lord is stripping me of everything I have known, every place I get approval, every form of service and law and every sense of obligation. My house has been built on sand because it's not my performance that makes me acceptable, it's Jesus. The Lord is doing Extreme Makeover: Natalie Edition and we are in demolition mode right now. But the hope of re-building and getting a better than ever, grace-walking Natalie is very real. Ultimately, I wish it only took 7 days and we could yell "Bus driver, MOVE THAT BUS!" I recently read this in one of the books I am reading: No one asks a surgeon after surgery, "How long did it take?" but rather "Did you get it all?" Lord, I want you to get it all! And I look forward to the day when You shout, "Bus driver, MOVE THAT BUS!"

Quiet Love

This healing process is more grueling than I could have ever imagined. When I logged into facebook this morning, I had this little reminder from my friend Beth Moore:

"A broken heart heals when we allow the healing to go as deep as the wound went." - Beth Moore

 

I don't know about you but this explains a lot for me.

 

When I think about it logically, a paper cut tends to heal faster than open heart surgery. Why? Because a paper cut is at the surface, it's more minor. It still hurts like all get out, especially if you put hand sanitizer on your hands or you eat crawfish while you have one of those nicks. Heart surgery is much more invasive, much more delicate and ultimately there is much more at stake. And of course, recovery takes way more time.

 

For curiosity's sake, I just looked up how long physical heart surgery can take. While most of the answers varied, indications were from anywhere from an hour and a half to 8 or more hours, depending on the person and the procedure. That's a major difference. That's the difference between a lunch break at work or a days work. Wow.

 

Throughout this spiritual heart surgery I have been undergoing, I have been asked several times if there is anything I need to do or if I need to forgive my mom or whathaveyou. And while there are times for all of the above, right now, I sense I am to do nothing. I am continuing to sense the Healer's hand, with me on the operating table and Him beckoning me to be still so He can continue the work that only He can accomplish. This surgery is not for a papercut but deep wounds to my spirit from my early childhood.

 

Two memories continue to roll around in my memory. Both are extremely tender these days but I share them in the hopes that they may help you as you journey through healing yourself.

 

One of those memories involves me around age 5 or 6. I wanted to sit on my mom's lap but my sister (who is 9 years older than me) ran over and got in my mom's lap. She began mocking me and saying "She's my momma, she's not your momma!" I yelled the opposite back but after the taunting continued and my mom just laughed at the situation, refusing to do anything, I burst into tears. Only at my obvious distress, did my mom finally push my sister off of her lap and pick me up but by then, I refused to be comforted. A message was sent to my heart and spirit that day, with many messages and lies intricately wound together.

 

The other memory involves me as a Freshman in high school. To make a very long story short, I had written a suicide note after school one day and it accidentally printed into the guidance counselor's office (what luck?!) The next day I was pulled from class by the guidance counselor who questioned me about the letter she had found. She insisted we call my mother. While in her office, we called my mom who basically indicated we would discuss the matter when we got home. That evening when we got home, my mother proceeded to discipline me for having such "stupid thoughts" and dismissed the idea altogether. No comfort, no real questions as to why I would even be considering such ideas.

 

While God has brought some healing and some truth to both experiences during Discovery, I know that there are still wounds there and core lies were established in these scenes. One of those issues is allowing God to truly be My Comforter, a task that can only be accomplished as He brings more healing to those wounds.

 

This evening, I went to my spot at the river. As I laid on the sand and listened to the waves, trying to "be still", I found myself praying a very familiar phrase. I just kept asking the Lord to "quiet me with His love." It almost felt like the prayer was an echo and God reminded me how frequently I have prayed that prayer these last few weeks. The Scripture I am referring to in my prayer is Zephaniah 3:17~

 

The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He WILL QUIET YOU WITH HIS LOVE, he will rejoice over you with singing.

 

Oh, I am longing to be able to receive the quiet love of my Father and to be comforted on God's maternal knees (Isaiah 66:12-13 Amplified Bible). Lord, I ask that you continue the surgery and I give you permission to not stop until You are through.  I ask you to forgive me of my sin of seeking healing and not the Healer and I thank you for your grace and forgiveness. I thank you that I WILL KNOW your comfort like never before by the end of this process and I truly will have been QUIETED BY YOUR LOVE. Thank you for the grace needed to continue this journey.

Humpty Dumpty and Me

Humpty Dumpty. Yes, we all know the rhyme from our youth but over the last few months it has been replaying in my mind and heart. For those of you that may need a refresher on the children's rhyme here you go:

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the kings horses
and all the kings men
Couldn't put Humpty together again

One day, in the shower (shock and awe!), I started singing this rhyme to a different beat and the Lord started to reveal to me that me and Humpty Dumpty aren't all that different. I went on to sing this:

Now I'm not Humpty but I feel his pain
Broken and hurting in the midst of my pain
All of my efforts
and all of my tries
Couldn't put me back together again

You see, I am a fixer by nature, as many of us are. I like to fix stuff that is broken. I also like to fix people that are broken. And by all means, I try to fix myself, when I am broken. But when I truly stop and think about the futility of trying to fix myself, when often times, my decisions or my pain is what has broken me in the first place, I realize how much my attempts are in vain.

Zechariah 4:6 says, Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit, says the Lord Almighty!

We can't fix ourselves! No matter how much we try, no matter how many self-help books we read! No matter how much counseling we receive! (Now, I'm not saying those are bad things but hear the bigger message please!) It is not by might or power. In other words, it's not by what you or I can do to fix ourselves or others. Notice, all of the kings horses and all of the kings men, couldn't put Humpty together again. And as God spoke to me, all of my efforts and all of my tries, couldn't put me back together again. So, what do we do?

I am a very visual person. So, I envision Humpty laying on the side of the wall, me right next to him, simply calling out to the Lord, saying "I've fallen and I can't get up!"

Psalm 51:17 says this, The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God you will not despise.  (NIV)

And I love how The Message says it, Heart-shattered lives ready for love don't for a moment escape God's notice.

Yesterday morning at church, God continued the roto-rootering in very similar fashion to the week before as I wept and wailed at the altar again (a very humbling experience). Last night I started singing this new song that God gave me, based on the above scripture.

Broken and Contrite
Here I am God
Here I am
Broken and contrite
Broken and contrite

You said you will not despise my sacrifice
You will not despise my love
Though I'm wounded God
You will heal my heart
You will bind up every wound
You will bind up every wound

This morning, I was singing it in the shower (more shock and awe!) and the Lord gave me this bridge to go with it:

A song of victory is rising up
For I know He will deliver me

The Humpty Dumpty nursery rhyme is kind of a bummer if you really stop to think about it. There is no sign of hope, no sign of redemption. But I am thankful that my story doesn't have to end like Humpty's! I serve a God who is gathering all of the broken pieces and is binding up all my wounds! The God of Compassion who is gently and tenderly healing my heart. So, I sing with confidence and boldness:

A song of victory is rising up
For I know He will deliver me!

Roto Rootered

This is totally a Natalie is processing through her life blog, just FYI.

Sealed and unclogged.

Yesterday, I shared about my terrible Tuesday and the fun that was happening in my bathroom with my geyser-esque toilet and my standing-water shower. I texted my landlady yesterday morning and she assured me her maintenance man would be out to fix both that morning. I held my breath as the shower has been a pestering issue for at least 8 months. Yesterday afternoon, I got a text from my roommate who indicated Roto Rooter would be at the house at some point.

Evidently, the maintenance man wasn't able to fix the shower thus the call to Roto Rooter. However, he did resolve the issue with the toilet which was a broken seal as I was later told. A broken seal....I'm still pondering that one as far as the spiritual correlation.

When I finally got home yesterday, the Roto Rooter van was about to pull out of my driveway. I was unloading groceries and my landlady's husband was checking the bathtub again but water was still standing. He called the Roto Rooter guys and they came right back. Mr. Rooter came in and flushed the tub with hot water and he indicated it was fine now but if we have any more problems to give them a call. My landlady's husband suggested we check it again and we did and this time the water emptied in no time. While we were doing that, he told me that the Roto guys had said that there was stuff way down deep in the water line, not just in the tub pipe. Those things were also hindering the toilet. But they cleared the line and as we soon saw after our tub test, everything was flowing freely.

Stuff way down deep in the water line. I find it interesting how these circumstances in the natural are very much reflecting that which is happening in the spiritual for me. The Holy Spirit is Roto Rootering my heart so that things will flow freely. Scripture says the following in Proverbs 4:23

Above all else, GUARD YOUR HEART, for everything you do FLOWS from it.

Now, mind you, I am just processing, but I am wondering if part of my issue has been guarding my heart incorrectly.

I mean, for our physical drain, we have a stopper and we have a hair catcher thingie (yes, that is the technical term). Both have a purpose but neither were really any good with the water line clogged. The hair catcher thingie may have caught some hair but it mattered not because there was so much other junk in the line. And then the stopper wasn't really necessary because the water stopped on its own due to the clog.

For my heart though, I think for too long I have kept the stopper in place, guarding my heart, yes, but preventing the Lord from getting to it completely as well. If I am really honest, I take the stopper off for short intervals but then I put it back on, out of habit, partially. Out of protection seeking, most definitely. I think Sunday was me removing the stopper and now the line is being Roto Rootered by the Holy Spirit. Part of me is thankful that I wasn't home to see the tools the Roto guys used or see the junk that came from that place but I am quite positive I am getting a first hand experience myself instead.

This morning, as I took my shower, I was greatly relieved to not be standing in ankle deep water. The drain worked perfectly and the water exited the shower faster than Speedy Gonzales!

Now, I'm not gonna lie, I was pretty excited. But at the same time, it felt strange to not be standing in water during shower time as I have for the past several months. It's definitely going to take a few days to get used to. But I am clinging to the hope that pretty soon, my heart will be unclogged and the water will flow freely. Oh, I look forward to that day!

I end today's blog with the scripture that is now my facebook status and my hope:

But you, O God, are both tender and kind, not easily angered, immense in love, and you never, never quit. So look me in the eye and show kindness, give your servant the strength to go on, save your dear, dear child! Make a show of how much you love me so the bullies who hate me will stand there slack-jawed, as you, God, gently and powerfully put me back on my feet.~Psalm 86:15-17 The Message

Have You Considered My Servant...(Insert Name Here)?

As I was in the shower this morning, once again standing in ankle deep water because my landlady has still yet to fix my tub, I was putting my armor on for my day. I sure am glad it's spiritual armor and not physical armor cuz it sure would be rusty since the shower seems to be the place for my morning application of the armor of God. (If you have no idea what I am referring to, check out Ephesians 6:11-18).

Anyways, as I was putting my armor on the Lord began to speak to me about Job. (UGH!) Now, I don't know about you, but I always put Job on a pedestal of sorts. I mean, he had some horrendous things happen to him and his family. But the Lord wants me to see, as well as you, that we are no different than Job.

I know for me, my first hang-up with Job comes from Job 1:1-

This man was blameless and upright; he feared God and shunned evil.

Right there, I am prone to stop. Blameless and upright?! Really?! But the reality is that I am made blameless and righteous through the blood of Christ, whether I feel blameless and upright or not. I do fear God and I do avoid evil so that part was a little easier to swallow but that first part, sheesh!

As we read further in Job, we see that the angels, God and Satan had a meeting. In that meeting, Satan tells the Lord that he has been roaming he earth. Then the Lord has a seemingly wonderful idea:

Job 1:8 Then the Lord said to Satan, "Have you considered my servant job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil."

REALLY!? Does God really throw Job into the mouth of the devourer? Does he really recommend that his servant, who loves him, who is blameless and done nothing to deserve the test that will follow be thrown to the lion?

Next is Satan's response to the Lord's idea.

Job 1:9-11 "Does Job fear God for nothing?" Satan replied. "Have you not put a hedge around him and his household and everything he has? You have blessed the work of his hands, so that his flocks and herds are spread throughout the land. But stretch out your hand and strike everything he has, and he will surely curse you to your face."

Basically, Satan said, you keep your kid safe and blessed but if you take away his blessings, he will curse you and not serve you.  BUT God knew how Job would respond. His omnipotence definitely served him well in this moment as he knew what Job would choose even before the test began! The Lord gave permission to Satan to take all of his possessions but to not lay a finger on him (until a later test)

In the next little bit, we see that Job proceeds to have a very bad day. Within 24 hours, he gets word that his animals (his wealth) have either been killed or stolen and then that all of his children have been killed as the house collapses on them. REALLY!? Talk about a terrible day that we can't even really wrap our heads around because it is so far fetched for the majority of us. But this is exactly where the Lord wanted to speak to me this morning.

Yesterday was a pretty rough day for me. In my last blog, I was extremely transparent as to where I have been the last few weeks in regards to what areas of life God is healing at the present. While Sunday was awesome and much needed, my body has still been recovering from that upheaval of pain. Additionally, I still have had the void where all of that pain was that is waiting to be filled by the Lord.

On Monday, I walked through some forgiveness with my mom but then began to realize that there is still much pain in thinking about her. As I went through my day, I began to recognize that Sunday was really just the beginning of this healing process. I shared this with 2 friends who both offered analogies that seemed to encapsulate the process for me.  One said that the Band-aid's over the wounds have been removed and now the air is hitting them in order for them to be healed. And the other said the drain has been clogged and a big chunk came out but there is more that is to come before the water can flow freely (which is very applicable given my bathtub situation!!). Beautiful word pictures for me to see the process.

Yesterday, I woke up very blue. I brought that to my quiet time but knew that I needed to feel these emotions and not stuff them or pray them away. The Lord revealed that grieving needs to take place in my life. You may think, grieving? Who died? Well, no one per say. But sometimes, we need to grieve the loss of a relationship or in my case, grieve that fact that I did not have a nurturing mother. Yes, I have grace for my mother, knowing that she did the best she could given her own mothering she endured. But at the same time, if the emotions that I have toward her and the fact that I never got to have a relationship like that are not dealt with, they will continue to be a toxic force in our relationship and in my body.

So, with that in mind, I entered my day. I had several client meetings scheduled for the day and my first visit was with my client that has a terrible relationship with her mother. I didn't actually have to deal with the daughter yesterday but with the mother who was going to have her way no matter what. I just wanted to get in and out of there as quickly as possible.

After that semi-intense meeting, I went to see a friend who I hoped would be giving away Free Hugs before I had to travel to my next meeting. I got my hug and then started my hour drive to see my next client.

En route, my check engine light came on and my car began shutting down. I was able to safely pull over but I was very frustrated. You see, last month I had the same problem. I had gotten the sensor replaced but here I was again with a check engine light on and I was not happy about it. To resolve the problem, I had to turn my car off for about 5 minutes before re-starting. I did and thankfully it started so I could make it to my next client's house, which I made it with 1 minute to spare considering my delay. I managed to see my clients without any real drama and managed to make it to Auto Zone for them to do the diagnostic test. The issue was the same as before but the Auto Zone guy said the computer probably had not been erased after the sensor was replaced. He handed me the controller and said I could push Erase but he couldn't. Oh, how I wish I sometimes had an erase button for life! Well, I erased the error code and the engine light went off. Praise the Lord!

Then I went to my friends house but I was so physically and mentally drained I had to come home. I took a nap only to wake up and find ridiculous levels of pain at my head, neck and shoulders. I texted the troops for prayer and one of my friends recommended I take some medicine along with a hot shower to help my body relax from all that has happened lately. So, I obliged thinking it was a pretty great idea. I get out of the very nice hot shower and then used the potty (TMI, sorry!). Within seconds after flushing, water started flowing from the base of the toilet and quickly filled my bathroom. You would know I don't have a mop so I had to find towels and sop up all the water. I then called my landlady who was "at dinner" and told me she would call me back, which she never did. Needless to say, the relaxing shower was very quickly ruined by my geyser toilet.

Now, I don't tell you all of that for you to pity me or even to pity myself. But as the Lord reminded me this morning, He had a nice little chat with Satan and said, "Have you considered my servant Natalie? There is no one on earth like her; she is blameless and upright, a woman who fears God and shuns evil." Job's tests included losing his livestock, his children and even his health as he eventually had painful boils all over his body. Additionally, he had to endure some friends that blamed him for the issues he was dealing with and his wife that was super encouraging (I say that with much sarcasm as she encouraged Job to curse God and die!).

But I have to wonder if the hardest part for Job was the quietness of God. We go through 36 chapters before Job hears God speak. And once God speaks, it's a litany of rhetorical questions for Job basically in regards to God's sovereignty and character. Job definitely did not curse God but he did question his perception of the God that he had claimed to know. In Job 42:1-6 we read the following:

Then Job replied to the Lord: I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted. You asked 'Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?' Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know. You said, 'Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you and you shall answer me.' MY EARS HAD HEARD OF YOU BUT NOW MY EYES HAVE SEEN YOU. Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes.

There is much I could say about the above verses but the thing that stands out to me is the depth of relationship Job winds up having with the Lord. A greater level of knowledge of the Lord. Before he had heard about  God and had head knowledge of the Lord. But to have eyes that have seen the Lord is that have a heart that really knows that Lord and has seen the hand of God walk through the fire with you.

And we see in Job 42:12 God eventually brought restoration to Job:

The Lord blessed the latter part of Job's life more than the first.

I don't know about you but this rough season is made a lot more hopeful by the knowledge that God told Satan, "Have you considered my servant Natalie? She's a great candidate for a test because the things that you mean to destroy her will only make her stronger and cause her to have a much deeper relationship with me."

God may insert your name in that question very soon, if it's not already in there. But be encouraged that the end result is a deeper relationship with the Lord. That's what I am clinging to and I hope you can too!

Fought For

I am about to put my heart out here in this blog today but if it ministers to just one person it will be worth it!

My week began on Monday morning with God calling me out on a pride issue, via my dear friend, Joyce Meyer. I clicked on a link that said, "God is in Control" because I always can use that reminder. But it turned out to be the Lord setting me up! I was re-directed to one of Joyce's sermons but it was not titled "God is in Control" but rather "Characteristics of Humility". Well, my immediate reaction was to find another more applicable sermon to watch however, I felt like the Lord wanted me to hear what Joyce had to say in this message. After some time, Joyce said, "Impatience is a manifestation of pride." OUCH! That was a truth that very much hurt in that moment because I have been quite impatient with the Lord and his timing. He was not acting as fast as I wanted or bringing the revelation that I wanted when I wanted it. (Notice how many times I said "I wanted"!) So, after that sucker punch from Joyce and the Holy Spirit, I quickly repented.

After my truth encounter, I had to go to the doctor who confirmed that I had a yeast infection, urinary tract infection and an ovarian cyst. The terrible three as I affectionately called them.

On my way home from the doctor, my friend Tonja was sitting outside on her patio (we live on the same street). She waved me down to stop and I knew that I was being set up by the Lord. We started chatting and I shared with her the morning's events. In regards to the physical issues, she asked, "What's up with that? You think it could be spiritual?" I told her it very well could be and shared my pride revelation that morning. She put me on pause and went inside coming out with a book. The book was called A More Excellent Way and Tonja explained that it was written by a minister who travels around as God leads and God will use this man to bring healing to people, physically, emotionally and spiritually. The man has found that in many cases, there is a link between the three.

After Tonja's mini explanation, she looked up "ovarian cysts". I was shocked to hear as Tonja read the definition that the spiritual root was "unresolved issues with the mother!" She asked if that was accurate and in that moment the Lord began putting pieces together. I had just had family time on Friday and I found myself growing increasingly frustrated with my mother and I didn't know why. So, this body and spirit connection made sense.

The next thing we looked up was "yeast infection" which wasn't in the book but God spoke to my heart and said "the yeast of the Pharisees". The Pharisees of Jesus' day had issues with pride and being religious. Of course, this made sense considering my Joyce issue earlier that morning.

Tonja gave me the book to look through and I looked up "fibromyalgia" since I was once given that diagnosis and I still have pain associated with it. Fibromyalgia was said to be the result of "fear, anxiety and stress" and that "the fear is beyond the realm of consciousness." The book went on to say "the spiritual root can be found in females who don't feel covered, protected, nurtured, don't feel safe, are always looking over their shoulder, are driven, anxious, moving the pieces of their life around and are insecure." WOW! So has been my story, especially in regards to my parents!

After trying to take in the above revelation, Tonja and I talked about needing to cry out to the Lord. I told her like I felt like I had been but she sensed I needed to scream and cry and get it all out. I told her I didn't feel safe to do that just yet.

Monday night, I felt like God wanted me to re-read a book called Why You Do the Things You Do which is God being funny again because the book is psychology meets Christianity and is all about a child's attachment to their MOTHER and how it relates to relationships later on in life. (I highly recommend this book by the way!)

Tuesday morning during my quiet time, I was trying to figure out what the connection was between God and my mother. Usually we hear of our father issues impacting our relationship with God, not mother issues. I've even told people that dad relationships affect how we see God but mom relationships affect how we see others. So, with that knowledge base, I was stumped as to how there was a connection so I went to the Word. I looked up "Mother" in my concordance and found Isaiah 66:12-13 which reads like this in the Amplified:

For thus says the Lord: Behold, I will extend peace to her like a river, and the glory of the nations like an overflowing stream; then you will be nursed, you will be carried on her hip and trotted [lovingly bounced up and down] on her [God's maternal] knees. As one whom his mother comforts, so will I comfort you; you shall be comforted in Jerusalem.

Did you see that!?!? GOD'S MATERNAL KNEES!!!! There was my connection! My issues with my mother have not allowed me to receive the comfort of the Lord. And the reality is that mothers, well both
parents are supposed to fight for their children as well and as a result of my past, I have not felt fought for by either of my parents and I had dealt with that in regards to my dad but not my mom. It is so very important for you to know you are SOMEONE WORTH FIGHTING FOR!

After this revelation, it was abundantly clear to me that an unresolved mother issue was at hand. Other events of the week included further confirmation and further revelation which came via: the best conversation my sister and I have ever had that brought much revelation about both of our mother issues; my cell phone declaring "connection failed" which illustrated again the lack of nurturing I received; and then Beth Moore's teaching from the week on "Family Calamity and Restoration"! REALLY!? I think God was trying to get my attention!

Yesterday was a zoo trip with my entire family and almost at the start of my time with them, I was frustrated but with my mom in particular. The day went on and I found God dealing with me on my frustration and impatience (PRIDE!). By the time the day was over, I was frazzled which is just where God wanted me.

This morning, my pastor conveniently shared about struggling with God and that surrender was needed. Before he even finished altar call, I was on my face weeping before the Lord. I was surrendering and I finally was able to cry out to the Lord for Him to take all of the pain associated with my mother (mind you, this is like round 7 of dealing with mother issues but it's another level). I wept and screamed as all of the pain came forth (totally a humbling and non-Pharisee moment). Some precious sisters from my church were praying over me when I heard Tonja's voice say, "God is cutting the umbilical cord between you and your mother because it didn't provide nourishment and He is reconnecting it with Himself." That would explain the excruciating emotional pain I was in at that moment. After what seemed like days of screaming and wailing, the Lord brought peace and quieted me with His love. I returned to my pew where another sister from my church prayed over me and told me God says, "I am fighting for you!" HOW AWESOME! That was just what I needed! Of course, pastor had used that Scripture in his sermon and here it is for YOU!

Ex 14:13-14 Moses answered the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.

I am FOUGHT FOR! The Lord continues to fight for me as my healing journey continues!

YOU are fought for!!!!! Your parents may not have fought for you either. Your husband may not have fought for you. Your friends might not fight for you. You may not feel fought for but oh friend, YOU ARE BEING FOUGHT FOR! The God of the universe is fighting for us! The battle does not belong to us! It belongs to the Lord and He is way beyond capable of fighting on our behalf!

However, God waits for us to give the reigns over to Him. Will you stop fighting and be still today so the Lord can fight for you?? I stopped fighting this morning when I laid on the floor at the altar and said over and over, "God, I surrender!" "God, I surrender!" God was faithful and met me in that moment and took away so much pain, so much that I am actually feeling a little bit like a hollow Easter bunny as I wait for God to fill me back up. I know He will do the same for you! Be encouraged my friend, YOU ARE FOUGHT FOR!

Daddy's Got Me!

Another level means more healing. More healing means more lies coming to the surface to be dealt with. A hard road to travel some days. I am perpetually reminded though, as each lie is revealed to me, about the prayer I prayed last summer. From the depths of my soul came a very dangerous prayer. I simply prayed for the Lord to debunk (tear down or show something to be false) every lie that I have ever believed about myself and about Him. He has been faithful and gracious enough to answer that prayer ever since the words came from my heart and lips.

This week has been a rather rough one, in the spiritual sense, as God continues to expose more lies and walk me through places of my heart that still need His healing touch. Yesterday and the day before were particularly painful days. During my quiet time with the Lord yesterday, I came upon this Scripture in The Message paraphrase that so captured my state at the time.

I'm caught in a maze and can't find my way out, blinded by tears of pain and frustration. I call to you God, all day I call. I wring my hands, I plead for help.~Ps 88:9 The Message

 

As always, God hears my pleas for help and allowed me to meet with my prayer partner, my friend that lays out the truth and encourages my heart and spirit. While I cried through most of my time with her, I walked away with some revelations. One of those revelations was that while I was in a seemingly familiar place, I was and am NEW in that place. The feelings of the present don't undermine all of the healing that God has done in my life to this point. The victories of the Lord can never be negated! And then she reminded me that even in the midst of this season, I have had victories. I have not reverted back to old ways or patterns and THAT IS HUGE!

 

As my day continued, I received an email from a friend that included a sound clip from Finding Nemo the "find a happy place" line. As I smiled, I continued to click on the other sound clips from the movie and I came across another line that God used to speak volumes to me! The line was:

 

"It's OK, daddy's here. Daddy's got you!"

 

WOW! WOW! WOW! It was my Heavenly Papa was speaking in that moment directly to my heart!

HE'S GOT ME! He's got you! I am still in the season, still in the rough part of the journey, BUT He said it's OK, He's here and He's got me!

 

Here's the sound clip link if you want to hear it for yourself!

http://www.hark.com/clips/qyqcwqscgm-daddys-here

Oh where, oh where has my big God gone?

I haven't really written much lately because I have been "trying to figure some things out!" Well, we all know how that goes! I get so consumed in fixing the "issue" that I lose sight of the bigger Issue. But before I go into that, let me sing my little diddy about how I have felt in this season, well really the last 2 weeks.

"Oh where, oh where has my big God gone? Oh where, oh where can He be?"

Since about January of this year, I have been in a different season, one that I have not been too particularly fond of. My "issue" for the past 3 months has been the "quietness" of God or the seeming "lack of His presence." I started out great in the season (don't we always!). God had kind of given me a little warning, indicating that on Discovery Birmingham, He would be guiding me by His voice only, which He very much did. Then He perpetually reminded me to "Walk by faith, not by sight!" Again, I was good with that reminder and even reminded myself frequently. But then the day came, about 2 weeks ago, when I realized I was frustrated. I wanted the Lord's presence more than anything. I was at the altar in church, crying out for just a second of His presence. I felt like the psalmist is Psalm 84:10 which said, "Better is one day in your courts than a thousand anywhere else." You and I both know that there is nothing like the presence of the Lord!

That same morning at the altar, the Lord spoke (again, He had been speaking but not as much as I like!). He said the words, "I am not giving you the silent treatment." At that, I broke. I was reminded of my earthly father who when he was upset or angry with me, he would give me the silent treatment and withhold his love from me. Despite all of the lies that God has had me deal with, there are still plenty that revolve around how I see Him in light of my earthly father. Additionally, there are many truths in Scripture that have not become revelation for me either.

You see, God says that, "he will never leave me nor forsake me". (Heb 13:5) But when I don't "FEEL" Him, I think He has left the building because of something I have done or because He is tired of dealing with me. Then I "FEEL" abandoned and rejected and then I am prone to turn to other people or things to find love and acceptance. In processing through all of this, I have come to a "conclusion about the Lord". I believe He has a cloaking device that He is able to utilize that makes it seem like He has left only to see how we will respond. Because the reality is that He can't leave me or forsake me. He is omnipotent and omnipresent. He is everywhere at all times so He is unable to leave me!

He is bringing revelation to all of the above, slowly but surely. I definitely don't have it all figured out BUT I am finding more grace in the waiting and more maturity in listening to the whispers of His voice. So, it's not so much an issue of a God who is seemingly MIA but rather a really intense and great game of hide and seek. He's "hiding" and I am seeking! The great news is that He promised that if I seek Him, I will find Him (Jeremiah 29:13)!

Pretty soon, I'll have a different diddy to sing and my guess is it will sound like this, "I've found a love greater than life itself!" :)

God Tested. God Approved.

Abraham Tested. Yep, that's the name of Genesis Chapter 22 in my Bible. In reading this story, I think we often gloss over the details and just come up with catchy sermon titles. So, I want to go through this story verse by verse and imagine those things that we aren't really given details about.

Gen 22:1-Some time later, God tested Abraham. He said to him, "Abraham!" "Here I am," he replied.

God tested Abraham. Just like you, I am not really fond of tests. But the reality is that we are given tests to see what we have learned and to judge our progress. In school, you generally only get to take the test once because they are concerned about your performance but I am so thankful that God is more concerned about our personhood then our performance! His tests are tests of character which allow us to see where we are (he already knows!) and what areas of weakness God still needs to refine.

Also in this verse, I love that there is absolutely no hesitation indicated in scripture here in Abraham's response. Abraham heard God's voice and he answered. May I be as quick to respond to the Lord as Abraham.

Gen 2:2-Then God said, "Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about.

I find it interesting how specific God is when talking to Abraham about Isaac. You would think that all God would have to say is "Take your son" and Abraham would know which one God was talking about since he only had one. But God continues, "Take your son, your only son". "Your only son". Again, this seems kind of redundant but we know God has a purpose with every word he speaks. And then God names the son, "Isaac". At this point, I think Abraham gets who God is talking about. But then God seems to seal the matter further, "whom you love". Isaac was the fulfillment of the promise that God had made with Abraham. Isaac was a representation of the Lord's grace and love for both Abraham and Sarah! Besides that, Isaac is Abraham's son, so of course he loves him! Just as God finishes reminding Abraham of who Isaac is God seemingly asks the unthinkable. God asks Abraham to sacrifice Isaac as a burnt offering. God asks for Isaac back.

Gen 22:3-Early the next morning, Abraham got up and saddled his donkey. He took with him two of his servants and his son Isaac. When he had cut enough wood for the burnt offering, he set out for the place God told him about.

Early the next morning is often likened to Abraham's swift act of obedience. And while, I agree, I also have to wonder what the night was like for Abraham. Can you imagine getting the news that you have to sacrifice your "promise" and then try sleeping after that? Scripture doesn't say that Abraham informed Sarah about what the Lord said and so it was just him mulling over the order from the Lord. I personally don't think Abraham slept much that night which made it a little easier for him to be up "early the next morning" but in that moment even though he was awake, Abraham still had a choice to make. Obedience or Disobedience? We see Abraham gather supplies, servants and his son.

Gen 22:4-On the third day, Abraham looked up and saw the place in the distance.

Okay, so I had never seen this before until this past week. Note that verse 4 says, ON THE THIRD DAY! I guess I had always over read that part and just assumed that this whole Abraham "sacrificing" the promise all happened on the same day! But it did not! Can you imagine traveling for 3 days knowing what lies ahead?!  That would have left plenty of opportunity for Abraham to turn around, to turn back and say, "God, I know what you are asking me but that is just too hard! You already know how much I love this boy! I thank you for giving him to me but I can't give him back to you!" And while Abraham may have been battling these thoughts, we see that he kept on going, kept on walking, kept on obeying God.

Gen 22:5-He said to his servants, "Stay here with the donkey while I an the boy go over there. We will worship and the we will come back to you."

So, I never caught this in verse 5 either..."WE, will come back to you." Did Abraham have that much faith that God wasn't going to really take his son with his proclamation that WE will come back? Was he just saying that so no one would know what would really happen up the mountain? I think it may have been that he was hoping that they both would be returning from the mountain.

Gen 22:6-8-Abraham took the wood for the burnt offering and placed it on his son Isaac, and he himself carried the fire and the knife. As the two of them went on together, Isaac spoke up and said to his father Abraham, "Father?" "Yes, my son?" Abraham replied. "The fire and wood are here," Isaac said, "but where is the lamb for the burnt offering?" Abraham answered, "God himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son." And the two of them went on together.

Okay, I put all of those verses so we can get the full picture. This is the only time we hear from Isaac in the whole chapter. While it was probably fairly normal for him to accompany his father for offering time, this time he notices that something very important is missing, the lamb. Now, I have to wonder what was happening with Abraham. Did he have tears streaming down his face as his son asked this question? Was he even able to look at Isaac as he asked his PaPa the question? Did Abraham and Isaac talk about other things as they traveled along for 3 days as I am sure that they had to? And what was going through Isaac's mind? Maybe he noticed dad was being more quiet than usual. Maybe he thought it was super odd for them to be going to sacrifice without an animal in tow. (All of these are just speculations on my part to try and get in the story with Abraham and Isaac. I think I have so often read this story knowing the outcome that I overlook the details or the feelings laden therein.)

Gen 22:9-When they reached the place God had told him about, Abraham built an altar there and arranged the wood on it. He bound his son Isaac and laid him on the altar on top of the wood.

He bound his son Isaac and laid him on the altar. This is an incredibly hard scene for me to wrap my head around. Isaac, who knows the love of his PaPa, who probably knows that he is the promise of God to Abraham, is bound. The crazy thing is that Abraham had to do the binding! Was Isaac screaming? Was he crying? Was he trying to talk to Abraham and find out what was happening? Was Abraham crying? Was he praying? Did Abraham explain to Isaac what God had asked of him? How was Abraham handling this act of complete and total obedience? We don't know. How was Isaac handling being bound by the man that loved him (Abraham) so that he (Abraham) could be obedient to the God that loved him?

Gen 22:10 Then he reached out his hand and took the knife to slay his son.

Abraham was all in. Obedience in action.

Gen 22:11-12-But the angel of the Lord called out to him from heaven, "Abraham! Abraham!" "Here I am," he replied. "Do not lay a hand on the boy, " he said. "Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son."

Praise the Lord for the angel! Praise the Lord for Abraham hearing the Lord's voice!

NOW I know that you fear God! Abraham was willing to give back to the Lord what was already His and in turn blessings followed his obedience. A ram appears in the thicket for Abraham to sacrifice to the Lord. And then the Lord seals and ups his promise saying in verses 16-18, "I swear by myself declares the Lord that because you have done this and have not withheld your son, your only son, I will surely bless you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as the sand on the seashore. Your descendants will take possession of the cities of their enemies, and through your offspring all nations on earth will be blessed because you have obeyed me."

Now, it's not likely that the Lord will ask us to head to the mountain for a sacrifice of this kind but what area of obedience does he want from us today? What area of obedience do you want from me today? Lord, I want it to be said of me like you said of Abraham, "Now I know that you fear God!"

Promises, promises!

This morning I began my face time with the Lord reading in 2 Corinthians 1 when I came across vs 20 which says:

For no matter how many promises God has made, they are "Yes" in Christ!

We often hear that all of God's promises are Yes and Amen and while we may be quick to shout an Amen to that, do we really believe it? God has promised me some things and He has promised you some things. But often, we lose sight of the promise and we forget to remind God of His promise. Of course, He's not like man and easily forgets His promises. He knows each and everyone of them but I think as we remind Him of the promises He's made to us, we, in turn, remind ourselves of what He's promised and our hope is revived!

From reading in 2 Corinthians, I returned to my study in Genesis and wound up in Genesis 18:14. When I read it I had to stop in my tracks.
Let me give you the scene and context of this verse. Abraham is chillin outside his tent and he ends up with some visitors on his tent step (I had some of those visitors this morning but mine were Jehovah's Witnesses!) :) Anyway, the visitors are messengers from the Lord and are basically bringing the good news that Sarah is about to become prego. Sarah is ancient by this time and finds it quite hilarious that God would bring life back to her seemingly dead womb and she LOL (well, to herself the Bible says). The Lord basically proceeds to put Sarah in her place and asks her this question:

"Is anything too hard for the Lord?" Genesis 18:14

WOW! How often have I lived like a situation, a problem, a circumstance was too hard for the Lord?! Lord, forgive me! You are bigger than my situations and NOTHING is too difficult for you!

What about you? Do you really believe that nothing is too hard for the Lord? What we believe will come out in our behaviors. If we believe that God has "it" under control, then we will be at peace. If we believe that God loves us and has our best in mind, we won't try to force things or make something happen in and of ourselves.

Fast forward to chapter 21:1:
"Now THE LORD WAS GRACIOUS to Sarah as he had said, AND THE LORD DID for Sarah WHAT HE HAD PROMISED."

THE LORD WAS GRACIOUS! He is so full of grace! The reality is that we don't deserve any of the blessings that the promises He makes hold but because of His grace and because of His faithfulness He does what He promises. He is not a man that He should lie! He doesn't tell us things to shut us up or to appease us. He doesn't make a promise that He doesn't intend to keep!

AND THE LORD DID! Only God can fulfill His promises. We often try to help Him out but He doesn't need or want our help. Nothing is too hard for Him but we act like "it" is. When we try to help God out, Ishmael's happen and Hagar troubles abound(see Genesis 16).

WHAT HE HAD PROMISED!  What are the promises He has spoken to you? Have you forgotten about them? Have you grown weary in waiting for them to be manifested in your life? If so, I challenge you to remind God of what He has spoken to you. Remind Him of His Word which is the compilation of His promises to His people. In reminding Him, we remind ourselves and our hope is stirred and restored. We can also look back at our life and remind ourselves of all of the times that His promises came to pass!

God is the same yesterday, today and forever! He is the best Promise Keeper that ever lived! Thank you God for all of the promises you have spoken to me about my future! Thank you for the promises that are already manifested in my life! Thank you for your graciousness and your faithfulness to me and my friends! Yes! And Amen! :)

Catch the Foxes!

Tuesday's, here lately, seem to be blog day for me, as I process out the nuggets from our Made to Crave Bible study. As I watched and listened to the video last night, a Scripture came to mind and it wasn't one Lysa was sharing. This morning, as I have looked up that Scripture, God showed me another one in the same book and I think they are very much related. 

The Scripture that came to me during the study was Song of Songs (Solomon) 2:15:

Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom.

As I looked at that Scripture this morning, God directed my attention to Song of Songs 1:6:

Do not stare at me because I am dark, because I am darkened by the sun. My mother’s sons were angry with me and made me take care of the vineyards; my own vineyard I have neglected.

I think there is much to chew on from these two verses but here's what revelation I have received so far. In Chapter 1, The Shuunamite woman gives her excuses as to why she is "dark" and I think the kicker is in the last part of the verse where she says, "my own vineyard I have neglected."

WOW! How true is that of most women?! We focus on others, in part because that is how we are wired but the other reality is that we don't want to deal with our own stuff. So in that taking care of others, we neglect our own vineyards! Notice, she blamed her current condition, of a neglected vineyard, on others, specifically, her brothers. We can blame our condition on everyone else but until we take ownership of the fact that we have sinned and neglected our own vineyards, we will live in the realm of misplaced blame and hide behind excuses. The Lord commands us to "love our neighbor's as ourselves" but if we neglect ourselves are we really even loving?

Fast forward to Chapter 2, where we read the Lover talking to the Shuunamite woman. Now, if you are not familiar with the Song of Songs (Solomon), now we be a good time for me to break it on down a little (not that I'm a Bible scholar but I love this book!). There are different theories about the book of Song of Songs (Solomon) and whether or not it is the story of King Solomon and a Shuunamite woman or Christ and the Church. Some argue that it can't be both but I think it is. :) Regardless, the book is a dialog between the Shuunamite woman (aka Beloved) and Solomon (aka Lover). Shuunamite woman is who we were talking about in Chapter 1 and the verse in Chapter 2 is spoken by the Lover. Hear again what he says:

Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom.

Remember, he is speaking to the Shuunamite woman and he tells her to catch the foxes that ruin our vineyards. Okay, so what about these foxes?

Now, he was speaking to her in regards to those things that would try and inhibit their love and telling her to "catch them". Jesus would tell us the same thing today, catch the foxes that ruin your vineyard!

What are our foxes?
I believe they are our excuses, our sins (pride, unbelief, fear, gluttony, selfishness, jealousy, unforgiveness, you name it!) and our THOUGHTS!

ANYTHING that inhibits our love relationship with the Lord is our FOX.

God commands us to CATCH those foxes. What does that look like? It looks like, "taking captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:5)" That is how we catch the foxes! God continues to impress upon me the importance of our thoughts! We have the ability to choose what we think on and what we allow in our life!

Now, I'm gonna be real honest and tell you that Joyce Meyer used to annoy the snot out of me! Every time I turned on the TV to watch Enjoying Everyday Life or if I tuned in on the radio, she was ALWAYS talking about our thoughts. And I would get so annoyed and would think to myself, "does she ever talk about anything else?!" But as I continue this journey of freedom and wholeness, I realize, there really isn't anything else to talk about and Joyce was right all along!

Now, here is the connection, I see, between these two verses.

The way that we avoid neglecting our own vineyards is to catch the little foxes that spoil the vine!!

So, here's our plan of action: pray and ask the Lord, "what are my 'foxes'"? Then, set traps and take those "foxes" captive! You and I have more authority than we recognize and walk in! It is my prayer that we would walk in more authority than we ever have before and that we really would take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ.The ultimate goal of all of this is our vineyards blossoming as we are in a love relationship with the Lord!

Portion Control

I am doing a Bible Study/Book Study with some friends of mine called, "Made to Crave". I am unable to read the book part for times sake, at this juncture of my life, but I am actively in pursuit of craving God more than I crave food or anything else.

Just last night, as we talked, I shared with the ladies my unwillingness to be bound by calorie counting and salad consumption 24/7, because for me, that is bondage. Instead of taking my focus off of food, it makes me even more concerned with it and that is problematic for me. So, I shared with them that I am learning to control my "portions" of the foods I like. A cookie is ok. Twelve is not.

This morning, I came across a scripture in Lamentations 3 verse 24:
The Lord is my PORTION, says my soul, therefore, I have hope in Him.

WOW!!! Let's break that down.

The Lord is my PORTION-

One of the issues the author of Made to Crave brings up is that we are often overweight physically but underweight spiritually. Man, is that ever true! The reality is that the Lord is the only One that will truly satisfy us! He is more than enough for me! And when I am consumed with Him and His presence, than everything else becomes of less importance (food, bills, finances, work, etc). What we fixate on is what we desire, so our fixation MUST be on Christ. Hebrews 12:2 Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith. 

Says my soul-

Our soul is made up of our minds, our wills and our emotions. While each of these parts is important, I would submit  to you, that the mind controls the rest, which is why we are told in Romans 12:2 to "be transformed by the renewing of your mind." The things I think on matter. If I think about a donut, chances are great I am going to go get a donut. If I think on the Lord, then chances are food or anything else is not priority but He is!

Therefore, I have hope in Him.-

When my mind is renewed and my eyes are fixed on Jesus, there I find my hope! It's not about food or about things, it's about Jesus.

Now, I know that the reality is that most of us don't think about Jesus 24/7 or even as much as we would like to. But the cool thing is that when it comes to portion control, Jesus is the answer! When He is a significant PORTION of my day and when I have filled up on Him, then I am not hungry for the things of this world. Yes, I eat food but food doesn't eat me!

Lord, help us to recognize that you truly are all we need! You are our portion and our only hope is found in you! Help us to keep our eyes fixed on You and help us to renew our minds each and every moment. And Lord, you are the best portion ever!

Psalm 34:8 TASTE and see that the Lord is good!

A Noah Kind of Different

This morning I was strolling through Genesis as SLOWLY as I know how (see last blog if you are confused) when I came to Genesis 6. Genesis 6 is the account of Noah and the flood of 8 million trillion BC (totally arbitrary number)!

Now while I have nicknamed my Wednesday night professor "Noah" because he literally looks like he walked off the ark with the long hair and beard, along with the fact that we sit two by two in class, that is not why God highlighted this story to me today. :)

Genesis 6 starts out with God saying that the thoughts of the heart of man were only evil all the time (vs. 5). He goes on to say that He regrets even making man because they have caused his heart pain (vs.6).

While I tried to figure out what events had taken place to make God regret making man, as scripture doesn't say much about what has transpired, I see now that it was the heart issue that God was upset about. With the sin choice of Adam and Eve, our hearts became evil, more specifically, the thoughts of the heart. Proverbs 23:7 backs this issue up, "For as he thinks in his heart, so is he." (NKJV) Man thought evil in his heart and he became evil. Just like us.

Since God is holy and unable to be in the presence of evil, he decides to wipe mankind from the earth and he begins to get things in motion to do that (vs.7). But then we come upon verse 8.

Genesis 6:8 says, "But Noah found favor in the eyes of the Lord." (NIV) The Message bible says it this way, "But Noah was different. God liked what he saw in Noah."

Ok, hold up! If the thoughts of the heart of men were evil, what made Noah able to find favor in the eyes of the Lord? What made Noah different? What made God like Noah??

We find our answer in verse 9, "Noah was a righteous man, blameless among the people of his time, and he walked with God." Righteous. Blameless. Walked with God.

Now, I can't fully wrap my head around how Noah was able to find favor with God apart from Jesus because Jesus is the only way I know. But here is the revelation I came to this morning.

1. Jesus made me righteous.
Romans 5: 19 "For as by one man’s disobedience many were made sinners, so also by one Man’s obedience many will be made righteous."

2. Jesus will keep me blameless.
1 Corinthians 1:8 "He will also keep you firm to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ."

3. I walk with God! :)

I am a Noah kind of different! I have found favor with the Lord! And God likes what He sees in me! That is a HUGE revelation, that God likes what He sees in me...in Christ of course!

Lord, I am so grateful for who you have made me in you! I am blessed to know that I have found favor in your sight and that I am made righteous and blameless because of Jesus! I am privilieged to be able to walk with you! I am proud to be a Noah kind of different!

Obedience vs Sacrifice!

Yesterday morning and this morning, God directed me to re-read in Genesis SLOWLY! Like many people, I know most of the stories in that book but I often overlook the truths that God wants to reveal.

With that said, my attention has been on the story of Cain and Abel. I never really understood why God liked Abel's offering better than Cain's. So, I have been studying it. Here's the scripture from Genesis 4:
When they grew up, Abel became a shepherd, while Cain cultivated the ground. ³ When it was time for the harvest, Cain presented some of his crops as a gift to the LORD. ⁴ Abel also brought a gift—the best of the firstborn lambs from his flock. The LORD accepted Abel and his gift, ⁵ but he did not accept Cain and his gift. This made Cain very angry, and he looked dejected.

Now, I read in several commentaries and it is generally believed that no one really knows why Abel's sacrifice was better than Cain's. From the scripture we can guess that maybe Cain was just going through the motions of offering time as he presented "some of his crops" as opposed to the best of his crops whereas Abel is noted to bring "the best of the firstborn lambs from his flock". Ultimately though, the Lord sees the heart and after all, that is really what he is after, our hearts.

1 Samuel 15:22 says: But Samuel replied, "What is more pleasing to the LORD: your burnt offerings and sacrifices or your obedience to his voice? Listen! Obedience is better than sacrifice, and submission is better than offering the fat of rams.

My guess is, then, that Cain was not acting in obedience to whatever God called him to do. And when God asks him about his anger problem in the next verse and encourages him to turn away from sin, we see in the following verses that he doesn't heed the Lord then, either. So, ultimately then, it wasn't really about Cain's offering vs. Abel's offering but rather their OBEDIENCE and SUBMISSION!

As the Lord admonishes Cain he says this,
Genesis 4:6 “Why do you look so dejected? ⁷ You will be accepted if you do what is right. But if you refuse to do what is right, then watch out!

IF YOU DO WHAT IS RIGHT = OBEDIENCE

The last thing I noticed is in verse 7:
Sin is crouching at the door, eager to control you. But you must subdue it and be its master.”

For so many years of my life, I lived with sin controlling me and my every move. Yes, often I was unaware, but sin was my master. I would do the things I didn't want to do but I felt I had no control over how to make it stop. Yes, sin is eager to control us but God gives us the key...YOU and I must subdue it and be its master!

James 4:7 says: Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.

Most, if not all, of us "resisting the devil", is done in THE BATTLEFIELD OF OUR MINDS! I used to think any old thing that came in my head. I would ponder the thoughts and the next thing I knew, I was in the middle of sin!

2 Corinthians 10:5 tells us to "take EVERY thought CAPTIVE and make it OBEDIENT to Christ!" Every means EVERY..it also means EACH EXCLUDING NONE!!!!

Breaking all of that down, submitting ourselves to God equals walking in obedience. Resisting the devil means taking every thought captive and making it obedient to Christ. And he will flee from you means exactly that! The enemy will flee! Praise the Lord!

God, I thank you for this greater revelation of the story of Cain and Abel! I thank you for leading and guiding me and my friends into ALL truth! I pray that you would enable us to walk in obedience and submission to you! I pray that you, Holy Spirit, would help us to recognize our thoughts and would help us to take EVERY thought captive and make it obedient to Christ! And I thank you Lord for the promise that when we submit to you and when we resist the devil, he will flee!

God of the Underdog!

As I was reading in my time with the Lord this morning about the life of David, God began to speak.

My mind went to the fact that it seems like God is always on the side of the "underdog". An "underdog" is "one that is expected to lose a contest or struggle; one that is at a disadvantage." (American Heritage Dictionary). 

One of the things I could never understand about my earthly father was that when he was watching a sporting event, unless it was his favorite team The Dodgers (who were "underdogs" in their own regard), he always pulled for the losing team. That didn't make much sense to me. Why would you pull for the losing team to win? Doesn't it make more sense to pull for the winning team because, after all, they are already winning? The losing team didn't appear to have much hope of winning. Albeit, where there is hope, there is always the possibility of victory!

I really believe that my dad was on to something with his cheers going up for the "underdog". I believe my dad had God's heart in this area! When I look at the life of David, I can't help but realize that he was the "underdog." The youngest of a line of brothers and the "black sheperd" (lol) of the family, he wasn't even called in from the pasture to be considered as the prophet Samuel visited the family YET he is anointed that day! A sheperd verses a lion. A sheperd verses a bear. A twirp verses a giant. A boy verses a king. UNDERDOG!

And we see time after time throughout Scripture how God is always rooting for the "underdog" or those who appear to be at a  disadvantage. His word says that when we are weak, then HE is strong! (2 Corinthians 12:10) AND, that He uses the weak things of the world to shame the strong! (1 Corinthians 1:27)

Today, we may "feel" like "underdogs" but the amazing thing is that the God who formed us and created us, is rooting for us! He's cheering us on to make the right choices and to take the right paths! He's encouraging us to keep fighting the good fight of faith! He's the coach that says at a halftime, things may look rough right now, but we'll get 'em in the 4th quarter! The reality is, while we may be the "underdog" today, we will come out as victors soon!

Lord, I am so thankful that you cheer for me, the underdog! I am thankful for the hope that you keep alive in me to know that in the end, I will have complete victory! I pray for my friends, Lord, whose hope may be waning and I pray that you would infuse them with hope again! You are our Hope, Lord! You are the lifter of Our heads! And I pray that all of us "underdogs" would get our rally caps on and keep fighting the good fight of faith as we hear you cheering us on!

Fearfully and Wonderfully

Fearfully and Wonderfully

With every breath
You breathe in My love for you
But you hurry along
You dilly
You dally
And you miss My everyday reminders
Of how I feel about you.
I’ve said you are fearfully and wonderfully made
But what does that mean to you?
You focus on the fearfully
And hide behind insecurities
That keep you FULL or FEAR.
But the reality is that the way I designed you and knit you
Is in such a way that YOUR beauty
Incites fear in the enemy’s camp.
He knows My skills and how intricately and wonderfully I have made you.
When I formed you I breathed My life into you,
Not just any old life but abundant life, new life.
So with every breath you breathe in that fearfully and wonderfully made body of yours
 That I custom designed
KNOW that YOU are a reflection of
My glory
My abundant life
And My Love!

(A poem God gave me on 1/18/12)